Wide-Eyed Love

“They changed the heart of a nation

with their wedding vows

From the highest court in the land

Their union would lawfully stand

Simply Mildred and Richard

That's how they'll be remembered

They proved that love is truly blind

They were the loving kind.” 

- Nanci Griffith 

June 12th, 1967 the United States Supreme Court came to a decision on the case of Richard and Mildred Loving vs Virginia. After years of court proceedings it was decided that laws across the US that banned interracial marriage were unconstitutional. 

This was a huge victory for white European descended Americans who wanted to marry one of African, Asian, or Native American ethnicity.

Up until the victory of Loving vs Virginia 16 US states still had laws banning interracial marriage, thought segregation had mostly dissipated by that time. Couples who were open about their relationships or sought marriage could be imprisoned or fined. They were often abused, mocked, and ostracized by their communities. Any children born to such couples were seen as a polluted race and often treated badly. 

In 2002 Nanci Griffith wrote the above lyrics in her song “The Loving Kind”. I stumbled upon it a few years ago while researching Loving vs Virginia. At first I thought it was sort of a cute tribute to the couple who paved the way for marriages like mine to be legal in the US. But then I looked further into the lyrics and changed my mind. 

Love Is Blind?

“They proved that love is truly blind…” the chorus goes. This phrase was coined in 1405, made popular by Shakespear somewhere in the 1590’s, and made a comeback in 2012, remaining widely used until present day. Its meaning is that the infatuation aspect of love will blind a person to the flaws of their partner.   

So, in this case, Nanci Griffith is saying that because Richard loved Mildred he overlooked the fact that she was black. As if being black was her flaw. Hidden in this song that seems to positively champion the victory of the supreme court ruling is this ingrained sentiment that being black is not as good as being white. 

It pushes the sentiment that in order for a white person to love a black person they must first be able to overlook that person’s skin tone. And so, if love is blind then loving across ethnic lines is possible because the lover so graciously chooses to not care that the loved comes from a different ethnicity than they do. 

Not Blind but Wide-Eyed 

Love is not blind. Love is wide-eyed. To love someone is not to close your eyes to their differences or see them as something negative but to find beauty in every unique part of them. 

We should not live in denial of ethnic differences or try to avoid mentioning them. There are different ethnicities in our world and people are shaped by their cultural upbringings. It’s not a matter of disregarding someone’s ethnicity when you date/marry them, but embracing it.  

In some circles Richard and Mildred type love is still taboo. Couples where one is white and one is black are still looked at with a hint of disgust or negativity, making interactions awkward. My husband and I have experienced this.

In other circles there is this rebellious sentiment. A sort of “good job you are going against those who see your relationship as wrong and doing it anyway”. These rebels give a pat on the back to couples like us while also standing for abortion and LGBTQ rights. We’ve also experienced this. 

With One Voice 

Neither of the above reactions are right. So how should we view diversity in relationships? Since God is the one who created ethnicity, I think we should look to His word. The Bible doesn’t teach us to be blind but with eyes wide open embrace the differences.  

In joining two ethnicities, two cultures, together with Christ at the center something beautiful is created. 

I love the picture in Revelation where “a great multitude that no one could number, from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages,” are “standing before the throne and before the Lamb, clothed in white robes, with palm branches in their hands, and crying out with a loud voice, ‘Salvation belongs to our God who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb!’”

In loving my black Haitian husband I aim for this kind of unity. I don’t try to overlook or close my eyes to our differences or get caught up in what the world thinks of us. I hope that those around us can say, ‘they sang with one voice, salvation belongs to our God’. 

Another Song 

Derek Minor has this song called Walls. It’s about the walls that society puts up between people who are different keeping them at odds or at least apart from each other. There is one lyric that always stood out to me. 

“Can’t you see with the hands of the Master we’re made 

But we don’t enjoy the creation of art on display 

So now when we look at eachother 

I don’t want you not to see my color 

See our differences are not the weakness 

And in this present we’re gon’ need the master’s masterpieces”

You see we are all made unique for His glorious purpose. He doesn’t want one single group of people who are all the same singing His praises alone. Rather all nations and tribes, a beautiful display of His diversity, in unity, praising Him. 

So let’s stop looking blindly at each other and with wide-eyes gaze upon the beautiful diversity with which God made mankind.