H is for Hard and Hope

H is for Hard, H is for Hope, H is for Haiti.

There is a Haitian Proverb that says, "Espwa fè viv". It means "hope gives life.” And by life, the strength to carry on through whatever hardship or trials we face.

H is for Hard

You know what is hard? Life in Haiti.

• Waking up one million times a night because the power went out and a pestering swarm of mosquitos has decided to hover above your head is hard.
• Going days with a dead phone and just hoping nothing bad has happened back home and you can't be contacted is hard.
• Listening to the beating of voodoo drums in the distance knowing that those same mayestro's are the ones who killed a number of your friends is hard.
• Weeping over death after death that you've had to witness and feeling like your heart is being ripped from your chest over and over again is hard.
• Reading another horrible kidnapping story in the news is hard.
• Watching so many people you care about fight to survive amid hunger and homelessness without the ability to help is hard.
• Feeling like you are the only one left while growing dangers drive away all of your missionary friends from Haiti is hard.
• Being betrayed, lied about, and forsaken by those you thought were your friends in ministry is hard.

But, life in America is also hard.

• Living away from the country you long to call home once and for all is hard.
• Moving on from the past joys of ministry while mundane life and business of America takes over is hard.
• Being a returned missionary in the US who is largely misunderstood is hard.
• Planning trips to Haiti that you don't get to go on is hard.
• Struggling to find housing, jobs, and make enough money to live on, while still being flexible to run your overseas ministry is hard.
• Swallowing all the negative comments and hatred towards immigrants in the community, even amongst so called "christians" while you continue to give your life for a minority group is hard.
• Missing the tropical sunsets and snuggling sweet little brown faced nieces and nephews that are now growing up without you is hard.

H is for Hope

It was not without reason that we named our ministry "Espwa Demen", meaning "The Hope of Tomorrow". Often times in this life, hope seems to be on the edge of a cliff. Just one hardship away from plunging down to the depths of despair. Leaving in it's shadow the ashy remains of dashed dreams.

I've felt this way on a number of occasions. Then, against all odds I've looked back and remembered. Oh how many times He was faithful. Then I looked up and saw Him. He who has promised that the end of the story is a good one.

This Gives Me Hope

When I see the smiles of 32 children who are getting the chance at an education because of our ministry. I have hope that we are making a difference, even if it's not as big as I would like.

As finances come at the very last minute before they are needed. My hope is renewed in knowing that He is a God who sees.

Looking into the face of my daughter, who is the bridge between two cultures. I have hope that she will make an impact in the lives of those who do not see her heritage as a gift.

The progress we are making on our little home in Haiti gives me hope to one day live there again.

When I focus on God's character and His promises, I have hope for the future.

A Letter To Haiti

Dear sweet Haiti,

I miss you. I miss that you smell like home and make me feel alive. The sound of your busy streets and schoolyards. Your food and fruits and markets. I miss doing things that matter to more than just my little circle of family. I miss ministry, good old hands on, messy, in the dirt ministry.

I have not given up hope. In all the hard I've never once thought to give up on you. I'll be back sweet land that I love. Someday, somehow, by the grace of God you will see deliverance. You will be bright and beautiful and free again.

You'll find me awaiting that day, here on my knees, in prayerful hope. You see, H is for Hard but it's also for Hope, and it's for you, dear Haiti.

Yours forever <3