When Feeling Fades
I was sitting there on the edge of my cot in the smoldering afternoon heat. It was another depressing day in Haiti where the losses I'd endured seemed to outweigh the miracles that I'd seen. Blendina, a sweet little baby with a heart condition that I had spent weeks caring for, had passed away. That morning was her funeral.
The sadness and heaviness surrounded me like a thick cloud. Hopping on that moto leaving the wailing crowd of mothers, and sisters, and aunties behind me to go "home" I wanted to be anywhere else but there, in Haiti.
The Dilemma
In weeping and reflecting on that day my mind went back to a question I had heard a short termer ask a long term missionary when I was new to the field. As they drove through Tabarre’s crowded, trash-littered streets in Port-au-Prince, they asked, ‘When you’re constantly surrounded by pain, suffering, and people you can’t help, how do you cope?’.
As humans, when we are exposed to tragedies, be it great material need, suffering, death, or loss we have a tendency to cope in unhealthy ways. This is a dilemma that affects most of the population.
Not only missionaries who are surrounded by high doses of physical need, but doctors who see death on a day to day bases, soldiers who have to take another human life, those who grow up in war torn countries, and the like. Sadly we no longer have to cross borders to be exposed to great depravity. Many young people are purposely exposing themselves to violence and gore through video games, movies, and social media.
How does a human cope with these things?
Become indifferent, callous, apathetic, and unable to feel.
Become depressed, broken, and unable to continue ministering.
Charlie Kirk
I held off posting my thoughts about Charlie Kirk's murder because I wanted time to get my thoughts together. Honestly, I never followed Kirk and knew little about him. I'm sure if I looked in to him further I would find a lot to agree with and a few things to question, but to what avail? Does it matter if I think he was a great guy?
In the days following his assassination I found myself in tears. Not because a man was killed. Not even because a woman was left to raise two children on her own. I found myself breaking over the responses of people who disagreed with Kirk. Applauding death, praising violence, and brushing off the gory ending of a life.
Not only was I disturbed by those who disagreed with him, I was also breaking over the fact that so many people could see a video of a violent and public death. Watching someone bleed out in front of them. And then just move on to mundane things without feeling anything.
Fading Feelings
Years ago I began to feel myself slipping to this feelingless state. I was going through a time of being convicted and broken over the fact that tragedies outside of my life had no effect on me. I would hear of tsunamis, earthquakes, wars, and famines and feel nothing.
Sure, I could say that I was sad for the families affected and sorry for those who lost people. But that is not the same at truly breaking or feeling sorrow. So, I began to pray a specific prayer which can be found scattered throughout the pages of my old journals. My prayer was this;
"Allow my heart to beat with Yours. Let me weep over what makes you weep. Make my heart rejoice when Your's rejoices. Help me to not be complacent, to not only feel when something directly affects me."
I began to realize that if I could not empathize and feel with others,
than I had no business on the mission field.
Over and over again in God's word we are told to suffer together with the body of Christ. To bear each others burdens. To weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice.
Titanium
Our culture idolizes the unbreakable spirt. The titanium and bulletproof shell. Being able to see, hear, and feel tragic things without breaking. As the song lyrics go; "Stone hard, machine gun, Firing at the ones who run, Stone hard, love's bulletproof glass, You shoot me down, but I won't fall, I am titanium"...
When natural human feelings fade so does our ability to empathize. We become callous and apathetic. This is the makeup of serial killers and sociopaths. This issue of the loss of feeling is behind so many of the school shootings and crimes running rampant in our country today.
When did we, as a society, become so dangerously indifferent. It's apparent in times like these that so many of us can no longer feel. Some definitions of apathetic are to be "showing or feeling no concern" and "being unemotional or lethargic in the face of something tragic". Apathy is a dangerous road and leads to becoming impassive.
The Other Extreme
Then there is the other extreme. I've often seen it amongst missionaries who don't make it on the field. The hardships and need become overwhelming. The missionary can't cope with the trauma and losses. They become broken beyond function. Depressed. Giving in to the thought that they can't possibly make one ounce of difference in the world of need.
This mindset is oh so easy to succumb to. It feels better than the obvious alternative, to stop feeling. But that depth of depression makes serving on the field nearly impossible. And more often than not leads to the dwindling out of the mission.
the Bible clearly states; "do not be dismayed", "do not be afraid", "do not lose hope". To become broken and depressed in the face of hard things is clear disobedience to these commands throughout scripture.
The Solution
So, what is the solution? What should our reaction be when a life is taken in front of our eyes? How should we "cope" with constant exposure to tragedies and unfathomable need around us?
Though it's not easy, we must not lose our ability to feel. And we must not let our feelings lead us down a dark hole where we lose sight of the goodness of God all around us. We must remember, even in the midst of tragedy, He is near.
How does a believer cope with these things?
Mourn and rejoice appropriately. Romans 12:15, Ecclesiastes 3:1-4, John 16:22
Practice gratitude. Philippians. 4:6-7, 1 Thessalonians 5:18
Accept help from the body of Christ. Galatians 6:2, 1 Corinthians 12:12-20, 1 Thessalonians 5:11
Give what you have even when it is small. 1 John 3:17, Proverbs 3:9-10, Luke 6:30, Proverbs 11:24
Look to Heaven. Colossians 3:1-2, 2 Corinthians 4:18, Hebrews 11:26
To not feel is not a good thing. We, as humans, were made with emotions. God created us in His image as a people who can mourn, and rejoice, and break, and be made whole. So, feel the losses deeply, and then dry your tears and get back to work. This world is not our home, but it is where we were put for now.
We are here to show the world a better way. A better way to mourn and to rejoice. A better way to live with Heavenly things in mind. Let's not drift towards indifference. Let us choose instead to mourn each tragedy and to see the gracious opportunity that comes with brokenness.
"People do not drift toward holiness. Apart from grace-driven effort, people do not gravitate toward godliness, prayer, obedience to Scripture, faith, and delight in the Lord. We drift toward compromise and call it tolerance; we drift toward disobedience and call it freedom; we drift toward superstition and call it faith. We cherish the indiscipline of lost self-control and call it relaxation; we slouch toward prayerlessness and delude ourselves into thinking we have escaped legalism; We slide toward godlessness and convince ourselves we have been liberated."
- D.A. Carson