Hey, I'm Dumb (overcoming the insanely humiliating side of language learning)

“Why did you just say that?!” A friend asked me in shock as he pulled me aside into another room. “What?” I asked, confused. “You said that he is sweet!”, He responded. “Um, yes. Because he is. Didn’t you see what he just did for me?” 

Thus went a conversation that was uhm… cough… enlightening.

I had been in Haiti for nearly eight months, minus a few trips home. I was getting along ok with my language learning and was finally comfortable speaking in simple conversations. It had taken me a while to get there. And much to my disappointment and frustration I was still finding that I had so much to learn.

It was embarrassing to be corrected in front of others. It was awkward to try again after botching a word. It was un-motivating to continue speaking while someone was openly laughing at me. Yet, all of these situations were frequent as I was approaching year one of language immersion.

Back to my story, it goes without saying that I never called anyone sweet ever again. Not in Creole anyway. And it took me a while to get over the embarrassment of that incident and start speaking again.

I had to face the fact about language learning that I am sure you have gotten a glimpse of if you have begun learning a new language. The fact that learning a language is like sticking a big sign on your back that says in bold red letters, "HEY, I'M DUMB".

It's Ok To Look Dumb

If you think that you will jump into a new culture automatically speaking the language like an intellectual pro, then you are setting yourself up for failure. Even if you have prior exposure to a language through books or high school classes, there will still be times of embarrassment when you begin speaking it in public around people who are native speakers.

Step one of learning a new language, and I mean really learning it, to the point of fluency, is this, accept the inevitable. The inevitable is that there will be times when you feel and look dumb. But that is ok! We (the people who pursue a second, or third, or tenth new language) all have to go through the looking dumb stage. You are not alone, and you are definitely not the only one!

Give Yourself And Others Grace

I remember seeing a video a while back that was soooo relatable. It was a clip of a Hispanic woman talking to a native English speaker. In a heavy accent she said what I have often thought, "Do you know how frustrating it is to have to translate everything in my head before I say it? To have people laugh in my face because I am struggling to find the words? You should try talking in my shoes for one mile!"

It is very important as you start into the journey of language learning that you give yourself grace. Lighten up, when you get it wrong, breathe, and try again. People may laugh, they probably will. Don't take it to heart.

At the same time that you are giving yourself grace in the learning process, extend that same grace to others who are learning. Remember that training yourself in a second language is not only memorizing vocabulary and taking tests, it's opening your mind to a whole new culture and way of thinking. It's one of the most mentally challenging things that a person could ever do!

I have seen immigrants looked down on and criticized for not speaking English well here in the US and even abroad when American's visit their country! Interestingly, it's sort of expected that if someone comes to the US they must be fluent in English, while I often see English speakers frolic about to all corners of the world without prior language learning. Yet, the toughest critics are always those who only speak one language! Isn't that ironic?!

Enjoy The Process

The greatest counsel I would give about overcoming the humiliating side of language learning is this, enjoy the process. Don't focus on how much you still have to learn or how bad your accent is after all this time. Instead, open your eyes to the beauty of every moment. Enjoy each epiphany that comes when you really begin to "get it". Right now, today, you are at a point that you will never go back to.

You know how through your childhood you spent so much time wishing that you could grow up faster. Only to reach adulthood and wish you could relive those early moments? Language learning is much the same.

Looking back, now fluent, with 7 years of learning Haitian Creole under my belt, I can hardly remember what it was like to walk through the streets in Haiti and not know what anyone was talking about! If you had told me one year one that this time would come where I rarely hear a word that I don't know, I would never have believed you!

Sometimes I miss those early days, if you can believe it. I am so grateful to be fluent and quite proud of myself for accomplishing that goal that I never really thought possible. Yet, there were times, amidst the humiliation and embarrassment that were fun. Those moments where I would start to think in Creole, or accidentally respond to English with Creole. The time when I realized "I am actually... fluent!".

My point is this, don't rush, because you will only look dumb for a season. In the end you will look and feel so accomplished and excited when a whole new world view opens before you.

Dumb Friends Are The Best!

Ok, maybe I am getting a little carried away with my title, ha ha. But, seriously! When you start learning a language and meet people who are learning it too you really do form some of the best friendships. The people that you practice with, look silly with, and eventually reach the finish line with become such a special part of the journey.

If you are new to language learning and don't have any co-learners around you, I encourage you to seek some out. Whether it be on an online forum, a Facebook group, in person language class mates, or through coercing a friend to learn with you, just do it!

When you aren't being embarrassed alone the embarrassment stings less.

You'll Eventually Graduate To Smart

It was the very best feeling when people's laughs turned to congratulations. While I definitely didn't need the applause, I was just glad to no longer have the discouragement. Like me, if you persevere through the dumb days you will eventually arrive at the level of "smart".

Humbling yourself for a season will result in a grand accomplishment well worth it. Just imagine the job opportunities that being bilingual affords, the travel perks, or being able to witness to and love on people from another country in their own language! All of these amazing experiences are reserved for the bilingual!

Looking Dumb Doesn't Mean That You Are

It should go without saying, but just to make sure no one takes away that they are dumb from this article... You are incredibly valuable and important whether or not you reach fluency in a foreign language. Yay you just for putting in the effort and trying!

God designed our brains with an amazing capacity for learning and growing. Whether it is learning a new instrument, skill, or language we were created to expand our thoughts and have new experiences. When we push our brains to learn more something beautiful happens, a whole new world opens to us.

I saw a quote once that said "Being bilingual is like having a secret super power", it really is! It is such an amazing experience that I hope everyone of you who wants to, get's to enjoy.

And so, here's to the one who is discouraged and feeling like they will never get there. You are smart, you are amazing, and you can do it. Don't quit! Your breakthrough is coming!

Some quotes about Bilingualism - https://hispanicmama.com/2019/11/22/quotes-about-bilingualism/

My other post on language learning - For Those Who Are Struggling With Language